Anna’s Adventures

Ok, I’ve been going mental. I’ve known that I’ve been going mental. Here’s how I know:

• Some weeks ago, i stopped eating good food. I stopped cooking, and stopped having breakfast, I stopped eating lunch at work, I would come home and snack on a frozen yoplait. The big indicator is when I made myself some gluten-free pasta (a failsafe favourite) and just couldn’t eat more than a mouthful. When I did eat, the only things I could get through were ice cream and flavoured milk. I also started to totally ignore my gluten free diet.
• Drinking. Along with ignoring my GF diet, I’ve been ignoring the “no drinking” rule. Its OK when I can stop at one glass, its OK when I am not high, but when I am high, I just knock it back like water. This has only been for the last 2 weeks.
• I can also drink 4 cups of coffee and not feel its effect on me. Normally, I can feel one cup.
• Not sleeping much, but still being able to function. I’ve been staying up until 3am most nights reading, but then still getting up at 7am. The thing is though, that I don’t get up at 7 and wash or eat breakfast or get to work early. I just get up and start reading again.
• Showering less. Bleagh. I do it at the gym, though.
• I decided to get another tattoo as soon as possible. I don’t know what, I just want another tattoo. Luckily I’m not organised enough to act on this impulse.
• There’s this booy at work that I’m starting to like. There’s this friend of my boyfriend that I was flirting heavily with. There’s this friend of my that I slept with the other night. I’m compulsively having sex.
•  Buying things on impulse. For my birthday I got some money. I decided to save for 2 extra weeks and buy a new laptop (and give my old one to mum). But on my birthday weekend, I bought a new wireframe wardrobe. Now, I needed it, and its a very good one, but it was totally on impulse and against my plan for the money.

I can see myself doing all of these things, but I just can’t seem to stop myself. I’m running, running, running. My legs are shaking because I want to move, move, move. Now, I need to get back on my seroquel (the doctor said I should come off it, but now I’m thinking this is a mistake).

I need to talk now about my extrordinary birthday weekend.

It started with a celebratory mood at work as my birthday co-incided with the Easter holidays (4 days off!) and MONTH OF HELLISH CRAP beginning to taper off. We had a birthday lunch at a nice Indian restaurant on Thursday. W00t! I also bought myself a jasmine-scented solid shampoo from Lush to use at the gym.

Then on Friday, I did SFA all day long. So good. I stayed with Kal, and we hugged tight all night long despite the heat.

On Saturday, I woke up refreshed and we went out sailing! It was so nice, and fucking scary when the boat first lifted one side in the air. But after a while, I swapped from the tiller to trimming the mainsail, which gave me a greater sense of control and safety.

Afterwards, Kal and I had a bit of a fight, which was unfortunate. I think in large part it was lots of moon-related emotions and also about me coming into his space (sailing) which has always been a site of tension for us. So I’m happy that he loves it, and that he’ll invite me sometimes.

I went off after that to meet my family for coffee and dinner.

The next day was Sunday, and the official celebration began in earnest. DylanJ and Reuben picked me up in the gold Rolls Royce and I got THE FRONT SEAT. Wow. That’s love.

JR and HalfwayDecent trekked from Newcaslte to attend, which was brilliant. They gave me pink champers, a green pendant and STRIPEY SOCKS!

BB and JLo came and gave me a lovely scarf.

But the special present came from Nicky… (you don’t always get a present, but when you do, its a doozy). She couldn’t make it, but asked JR to carry along some photos she found of the fams when I was a bubby. There’s mum, and me, and little DJ in the tummy.

I admit I had a little cry when I saw them. They were uncovered on an undeveloped roll. These pics come at an interesting time for me because I was talking a lot to my psychologist about my parents and their troubled relationship. It was lovely to see photos of happiness and carefree times. I also noticed for the first time how much I look like my mum.

Dad called, and Gran called, and it was nice. They’re both sending cash… and I’m going to put it with my cash to buy a new ‘puter. Yummy.

On Monday night, Mum made chicken and chips - her signature dishes and we all ate till stuffed. Because Nicky couldn’t come, we made chip butties in rememberance of her (a bit like jesus would’ve wanted) but with chips and butter instead of wine.

On Tuesday, DylanJ and I went and vage VirginMobile the flick-o and got onto Vodafone and got new phones.

So here I am, a birthday week or so, and I’m happy as a pig in shit. Its been the best birthday since the one where I got a green cake when I was 2. The best bit is that I’m happy, I’ve got family and I love them. They love me. We get along. Its fucking awesome.

A few things I’d like to recommend to y’all

Ginger tea

Just grate frozen or fresh ginger into boiled water. Add honey. Add green tea if you like. Lovely ginger high.

Having a cat

Miss Marley is a lovely girl. Miao. She is there for me when I need her (in her own way - which includes a physical presence more than an emotional one).

As the lady who cared for Marley while I was between homes said, “pets keep you human”. She keeps me wanting to come home, to get up and working to buy her food. She’s my little princess.

Marley Moo
Originally uploaded by AnnaAniston

Pickles

Indian pickles. Lime pickle, hot mango pickle, sweet mango chutney, chilli jam. Having these contrasting sweet and sours with plain yogurt or philidephia cheese. Fuck yeah.

Non-commitment

Avoid disappointment, just say “I’ll think about it”, or “yeah, hopefully I’ll make it”.

The chopper

Last weekend, I got excited into buying a funny chopping device. Its a little cylindrical hopper, that has a pogo-ing set of blades on top of it. Onions. Peel the onion, put it in, and vent your fury for about 10 seconds buy bashing on the top. Diced fucking onions. I barely believe it. Wow. Consumerism works for once.

Craft

I’m making a lampshade for my new secondhand lamp. Papier mache with impasto medium and acrylic paint.

Getting up from my desk at work half an hour ago, I found myself in tremendous pain. I’ve injured my shoulder. Ouch. Neck pain, neck pain! can barely move pain.

Still, I will get through it. Just no fast turning around. Please don’t sneak up on me!

In other musings, I am having lots of thoughts about relationships. Me in relationships. I’m wondering about the amount of drama that Kal and I can generate. Its like we make soap operas. Being wanted, being needed, respected and placed highly in a person’s life is wonderful. Its amazing. But it can be like a drug. Is it also crippling me, taking away my time and internal resources to be who I want to and need to be? Being off work sick with an ear infection yesterday gave me a lot of time to think about this stuff.

On a side note, the stuff in my ear drops is also sometimes used as an ingredient in anal sex lubricants. Analgesic, anyone??

Putting so much energy into a relationshiop - does that mean I’m sick? Is it romantic? Does it mean I am in peril? Do I need a doctor? Or can I write it all down and ask Cillian Murphy to play the lead? I have heard all these things. I don’t know which to believe. I don’t know how to go about forumlating my own answer to the problem.

I’m not feeling like I have a purpose, and I am not feeling like I have the time, the energy to have a purpose. I am not really feeling like me. Though this is all being borne from my decision 2 weeks ago to let myself be.

I am going to make this.

You sent me a text message to tell me not to come home this weekend.

But I did, to find you gone. I had to shower and change my clothes. Also, all the while I was gone, I longed for home. Home, to be home, to be at rest and peace, to be alone.

I notice you bought rice milk, and that its gluten-free.

OMG I am feeling nauseous today. I have been feeling nauseous most days for the last 2 weeks. It is affecting my eating, oh dear. Even though I am gluten free now, there is still something making me very sick. How am I going to eat at En Casa tonight?

The aggression / discomfort with RW and I seems to have dissipated. Still don’t know what it was about. C’est la vie.

Kal has gone to Japan… and has internet in his hotel room. Kyoto is only 1 hour behind Sydney. I was surprised to find him online, but there hasn’t been much chatter. This is a good sign. Imagine flying 11 hours to chat online with the person you just left. He told me he’d already bought me bancha!

I’m in the flat making bubble and squeak from the huge amount of potatoes left from our last evening meal together. It consisted of his using his day off to plan something special…artichoke dipped in butter, and baked potatoes (coz he knows I like them) and a lovely salad. Dessert was a shared pomegranate. Such a lovely meal, eaten on the tiny balcony by candle light.

Gluten Free is treating me very well. I’ve figured out the muesli mystery… most muesli types contain wheat bran sticks, which is why sometimes I get sick sometimes not from breakfast. My sister and mum are going GF too. I’m glad - I think they will like it. I’ve discovered that potato crisps contain gluten!

Kate and I had a long talk, which explored lots of the themes that had been worrying of late. Good resolutions, I believe. We talked and walked through Newtow, ending up at Tamana’s On Top - the new flashy version of Tamana’s North Indian Diner. Fucking amazing curry! Lovely food. Lovely colourful bollywood videos. Beautiful decor. Today wen went shopping, and Kate assisted me to brave the Target pants section. Thanks!

When we met, she was wearing a yellow dress, covered with a yellow floral shawl. Terribly pretty.

I  got to visit with my cat, Marley, who is being babysat by Kate’s housemate until I can take her back. Lovely Marley. She is being kept in

I have gold tide marks from this gradual tanning moisturizer cream. Damn. This stuff never works the way it should.

I am really enjoying this time alone right now. Anna-directed time is so precious and sweet. I can breathe. I have time to think. I am making plans. This time next year, things will have moved.

—————-
Now playing: ari-up - me done
via FoxyTunes

Yep. I get sicky after museli breakfast.

Today is my second day of a very low gluten diet. And I am surprised how much better I feel. Though I imagine endless challenges cooking for myself, and eating in restaurants in future.

Oh, here is a nice test: I was feeling quite at ease, and then decided to have a snack on 3 water crackers. Barely 10 minutes later, and I am feeling bilious. Burps are rising in my throat and there is a noxious sinking in my tummy.