Anna’s Adventures

http://www.debbydoesntdoitforfree.org/

I am reading A History of the Wife by Marilyn Yalom. Though I am not looking for a husband, or a wife, or a partner, I find it enthralling to see how my own attitudes to sex, love and partnership are shaped by very old traditions. My favorite parts are reading about the people who had separate relationships for family, partnership, sex and love.

I wonder what she will say (if anything) about polyamoury, polyfidelity and “swinging”?

Last night I watched a terrible film called “I am a Sex Addict” in which writer / director / star Caveh Zahedi details his sex addiction. The thing is, the film is a misnomer. It becomes increasingly clear as the stories unfold, that Caveh visits prostitutes in order to punish the women in his life. He compulsively visits street prostitutes, brothels, massage parlors, and strip joints. But the real “fix” comes from talking to his girlfriends afterward.

He wants to be honest, and make a genuine attempt at polyamory, but for some reason it always fails. The women take him at face value and engage with him to make the enterprise work.

He’s delighted when they’re accepting, but compulsively transgresses their stated limits. When one girlfriend says that it is OK to talk about his attraction to other women, he begins pointing out every woman on the street to evaluate this or that sexual characteristic. Even when he begins a relationship with a woman who openly encourages him to flirt, gives him space and time to do it in, he begins to insist that she watch him with a prostitute in order to cure his addiction. She responds by going to pieces and indulging her coping mechanism: alcohol. Caveh gets off scott-free because his girlfriend’s alcoholism is a bigger problem than his bastardry.

It was horrible to watch the gaping wound of all this relationship trauma. It is awful to see the repetition, the need to punish, to push for more and more power and less and less responsibility in the relationships.

Caveh tells us that when he is alone, and uses sex with prostitutes as a band-aid for loneliness and depression, he always feels empty returning home afterwards. The second half of the fix is missing. The audience watches each trainwreck approaching, and hopes for the girlfriend to escape intact. None of them escape unblamed, and none of them retain their privacy.

Caveh isn’t a sex addict, he’s a control freak.

I went to the video store and got some videos:

1. Coffee and cigarettes
2. Europa
3. Colour me kubrick
4. The saddest music in the world
5. Repo man

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Now playing: King Missile - (Why Are We) Trapped?
via FoxyTunes

Oh yeah, how good is my life?

Today, I thwarted impending depressive feelings by eating a health-tastic lunch (cheese, corn things, tomato and lettuce + a glass of juice).

Yesterday, I went to tango. Unfortunately, I got a bit woozy near to the end and had to sit down. I did manage to learn to do an ocho, though. Kal told me that I was “very enjoyable” to dance with. Even though I got a bit confused when he lead me into ocho before I had learned the steps properly. I can’t wait to dance with Kate!

On Monday night, I saw Camerata PorteÑa. Woo woo woo! Wooooooooo!

Tonight is the Icarus meeting. Again, woooo!

I am starting to feel really good about my emotions, my ability to deal. I’ve started to notice that I can deal with things because I am on psych meds. Oh joy!

Nose bleedOriginally uploaded by AnnaAniston

Colder climates, low humidity, heaters on inside. For me, it means the season of chapsticks and bloodsports.

Easily the 3rd nosebleed today. I’m so used to it, I just tilt my head back slightly and wait for the blood to congeal around the edge of my nostril. Though usually, some will run a line down to my lip, and then meet with whatever ran down my throat into my mouth and turn my tongue red. For more than a decade I have been able to simply keep going with whatever task I was occupied with - reading, typing, juggling fire - until the clotting came on.

I think there is something unnerving about the site of a woman nonchalantly licking blood off her lips while reading a penguin classic, because when someone invariably catches me, they rush to my aid wih a flurry of cold water, tissues, and “are you ok????????”

Our culture depises blood, snot, cum and shit. Gotta say I’m not big fans of the last two, but blood and snot are 2 secretions I have a fairly good rapport with. They come out my nose, and have cool colour codes that tell you very quickly just how sick you are.

This picture brings me speadily to my alter ego. You see, kate and others are having a party on friday with an alter ego theme. I’ terribly stuck for who or what to go as. With the small exception that this picture shows a change in hair colour for me - from blonde with green roots to jet blue-black. So its something to work with at least.