The final frontier

So while I am away, Kal emails me, then sms’s me, then calls me. We have a long and emotionless chat about things and moving forward. By the end, I don’t feel great, I don’t feel that things could be repaired, but I feel that one day in the future we could be friends again.

He wants me to come to therapy with him.

The next day, another change of mind. He calls, casually, to tell me not to call him, email him or contact him for 4 months. The therapy? Oh, he doesn’t need it. He isn’t unwell, I just made him sad.

Well, Anna, this is it. The final frontier of self respect and human decency. Kal has manipulated my need to reconcile and maintain cordial relations for the last time. Another smooth and seemingly honest conversation with him in the evening means another cold rejection (of even the suggestion of friendship) in the morning.

Isn’t it enough to want to split? Or enough to wait to split until you’ve found another person who will occupy your thoughts? Or to swing back and forth on a trapeze of indecision: “I love you, but”, “I need you, but”, “forgive me forgive me forgive me, but” when all that means is “I don’t respect you”.

You put our friends between us. When I sya “let’s arrange something” you say you’re not interested. Then you ask my permission to see them without regard for my feelings. Or theirs.

Kal, you’re a clever man, and a complete idiot.